The 5 Languages of Love - Do You Know Yours?
Feb 14, 2021
The Five Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman that is a must read for anyone who would like to improve their personal, professional or family relationships. Everyone can benefit from it!
Understanding love languages and how they work has been something I have been able to successfully apply, many times, in my personal and professional life and I highly recommend that you adapt to using it too.
According to the book, there are essentially five ways that people like to give and receive love. They are:
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Physical touch
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service.
There is a quiz online that you can take to determine what languages are important to you. You need to select the profile that best describes you (couple, single, teen or child) and once the quiz is complete, you will be given a list of the languages that you respond best to, ranked in order, from highest to lowest.
Now that you have your ranking of languages, it is important to share it with your partner, child, friend or colleague and encourage them to take the test and share their findings with you.
You see, the power of these languages is not only in the ranking of your languages, it is also in the ranking of the languages of the person you are wanting to strengthen your relationship with. In order for them to feel loved and appreciated, you need to speak to them in their language.
Our family's love languages
For instance, my highest ranked love language is physical touch. This means that when I receive hugs and high-fives or when my boys wrestle with me, I feel loved and appreciated.
My oldest son, David, has gifts as his highest ranked language. This doesn’t mean that he expects extravagant gifts in order to feel loved. It means that he feels more loved and appreciated when I return from grocery shopping with something small that I purchased because I was thinking of him (more than if I give him a hug when I come in the door).
My wife, Cindy, ranks quality time as her highest love language. Although she appreciates when I make dinner for her and the boys, she feels most loved and appreciated when I take time to be with her without distractions. So for me this means putting down my phone when she is talking or closing my computer so she knows I’m paying attention.
When I look back, it is very clear that my mother expresses her love with her words. Some would argue that most people like to be given words of affirmation, but when this is your highest ranked language, it is especially true. For these people, they will feel especially loved from being told “great job” or “I’m proud of you”.
The last love language is acts of service. For these people, clearing snow from their car, running an errand for them or making them a coffee is maybe all you need to do for them to know that they are important to you. I have found that just asking if they need any help goes a long way, too.
If a language does not come easily to you, it is important to keep working on it. It doesn’t have to be perfect every time and your efforts will mean a lot to the person who sees you trying.
So what relationships are you going to work on?
I have used this tool many times with our family, in our workplace and also on our wellness retreats. The most important thing to remember is to keep it light-hearted and have fun with it. Maybe do some role playing to figure out what efforts will be best received and don’t forget to engage the kids.
Our three boys have different languages and it has made a huge difference in our relationships with them since we have identified this and connect with each in their preferred language.
Hope you “feel the love” this week. Happy Valentine’s Day!